ITS FINALS WEEK, DAMNIT!!!

Guess what all? Finals week starts today. Its that magical time of year when, through the combination of no sleep, food binges, nicotine frenzies, and general caffeine chugging that students do the impossible. Its that wonderful time of year when one can contemplate both his future as a student, his future career, and suicide all at the same time. Oh Finals, how I love thee. I just wished you loved me in return.

My first final examination isn't until Saturday, but I have plenty to do until then. I have a 20 page paper due the following Sunday, and a makeup exam Monday the Fourth. Oh joy.

At least I get to keep my job this summer. I'm not taking a maymester course, so my next round of classes doesn't start until June. Which is great, because I'm going to be spending many nights balled into a fetal position wondering where it all went wrong.

This week is going to be hell. I'll see you on the other side.

One of those mornings...

So, last night I didn't have electricity because it went out on my entire block. This morning I found that I had no hot water for a shower, which meant a cold as fuck shower. Afterwards, I realized my dog had eaten my nice shirt that I was going to wear today for an organization meeting.

But you know what? I'm going to have a great day or die trying. Screw you world, I'm in a good mood. Deal with it.

4/20 and forcefully bored

Ugh, its 4/20 and I am officially doing nothing out of shear force of will. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to be out with the crew making a complete ass of myself, but with finals coming so close that I can't afford to do anything other than study and write until the end of the semester. Its coming down fast, and I just hope I hit something hard so I don't have to walk away from this trainwreck.

That's not true. In fact, I'm doing quite well all things considered. Its just been stressful as hell, and I just want to sleep.

On a side note, the Honors Student Organization had their elections, and I went from treasurer to president. The bad side of that is that I ran uncontested. In fact, we all did. That worries me a bit.

Either way, I just need to make the next two weeks, and I'll be fine. Finals are all accounted for, and I still need to make my buddies court date, but there's not much keeping me away from getting it all done.

Wish me luck.

Be Careful When Choosing Friends

I'm wrapping up my fifth semester in college, and it still surprises me how much I learn about myself and the world around me each time I go on campus. I recently made a revelation that I think some may enjoy.

Our University has a Pagan Student Alliance. Thinking I'd enjoy being around my fellow Pagans, I joined with the group. What I found was a bunch of self righteous half wits with a superiority complex narcissistic tendencies. I mean, damn. These folk actually convinced me to drop the title of 'pagan' and took up 'discordian humanist'. Bunch of no-it-all bastards that really, genuinely piss me off. Not all of them, of course, but enough of them to make it not worth my while to be there.

Let me tell you but two stories that happened with these folk.

First was a couple of months ago. We were walking away from a meeting and heading out to go get pizza. A LaVeyan passes us. I know the guy. Despite being a LaVeyan, he's generally a huge twerp. Not a huge fan of the guy. But he's wearing an inverted cross when he passes us, and as he does, the two PSA members I'm walking with start snickering. I mean hell, it was just ridiculous. Then they go on to start making fun of all LaVeyans like there a bunch of sex addicted pimple faced nerds.

Stay on, it gets better.

We pass our Baptist Campus Ministries whilst they're in service. It was Wednesday night, so they were doing their worship service in a student common room near our dorms, and the had window shades mostly drawn, but we could still see the candles and their alter. They were doing communion. I may be a recovered Christian, but I still have nothing but love for the Christian community. In fact, I've been known to visit our BCM quite often because most of my good buddies go there. I like the people. But again, they start with the snickering, talking about how all Christianity is merely the decayed remnants of the old Dianic traditions.

If anyone could explain that jump, I'd be eternally grateful. It's been puzzling me ever since.

So, that was the first story, about how these twerps basically insulted a great deal of my friends based on simple intolerance. Now lets see how they insulted me personally.

At this time I had decided to leave the group. No big fanfare, just leave without saying anything. it was kinda my style anyways. But earlier that same evening, I had already promised to help them file their Student Organization Budget Request Forms, and my word is my bond. Really annoying when Fate's plans don't match my own. So, we're filling out the forms when everyone starts telling pagan based jokes, most of which were at the expense of the other religions. Either way, I tell the only pagan joke I know about a heathen priest and a catholic priest, and they look at me and simply say, 'Jacob, your just not funny. You use people.'

So, I left without saying anything. I won't curse them with failure, nor will I lift a finger for their downfall. I got something more in mind. I'm simply going to forget them, and let them create their own destiny.

SUCCESS!!!

So, I got great news. A few weeks ago I applied to a position on our Student Judicial Board. Last week I was interviewed. Last night I found out that I was accepted. KICK TOTAL ASS!!!

I'm really excited about this. I have a couple of friendlies on there with me, which is a very good thing. Still, parts of the circumstances make me wonder. I have a buddy who's leaving the board, and I read between the lines that they thought I was 'abrasive'. Not sure what to think about that. All I know is that I have to work twice as hard to make my name be heard through the preconceptions. That seems to happens a lot, come to think of it. I guess what it boils down to is that I leave a horrible first impression.

Still, I don't think I'm going to meet any new friends in this gig. I mean, I'll be sure to be friendly, but I doubt that I'll have any sort of heart-to-heart with anyone on there.

Either way, I'm excited as all get out, man. Can't wait to get started!!!

Peace out.

7 PM Meeting Blues

Here I am on campus in the midst of pollen season. Its 'bout 5 PM, waiting for a meeting that doesn't start till 7. I thought I was going to be in a study group between now and then. Yesterday, she cancelled on me. I understand though, she's going to a concert for her buddy. That just means that I have a lot of time to kill. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue. Being the oldest of 8, you get used to entertaining yourself, strange as that might sound. But lucky me caught my uncle's cold that he was nice enough to share. Now I'm waiting here till 7 PM, feeling like death warmed over, hoping I will either die or that the world will simply dissolve around me and I'll wake up warm and snug in my bed, realizing that this was all just a bad dream.

This organization though, its been pretty much one constant headache since the day I joined. Little excited me wanted to be an executive board member. I never had any experience as such, but hey, you got to start somewhere, right? The guy I ran against, we went to high school together. Never kept in touch though. He was definitely much more qualified than I was, but had the social skills of a moss covered rock, ya know what I mean? Either way, I got the gig based on the interview, and the gig was to last one year. Let me tell you just how this year went.

One e-board member drops within the first month. Never hear from her after induction. Poof. Gone like dust in the wind, baby. She was PR. The President, however, was a total douchebag. I can understand weird shit happening and having to leave. I also understand simply vanishing once you got the gig. I hate it when it happens, but its expected in some places. The this guy, the President, was a piece of work. Let me tell you about this little bastard.

He was a likeable guy, not gonna lie about that. Smooth talking, good looking, seemed like he knew where he was going. Worked part time as a model, which I initially thought was odd, but he was all around a decent fella. Well, turns out that Mr. Big Stuff had a bit of an ego. Started signing all of his emails and texts 'Your President, Mr. Smith' (names changed to protect the assholes). Wanted to run the organization centered around him, which pissed us all off.

Our poor VP, she was about as ineffectual as they come in confrontational issues. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a really great person, although the only time she's ever talked to me in the past year has been in the context of one organization or another. Chick is organized and intelligent. Keeps her thoughts in order and presents herself well. She always has a gameplan. Not to mention, she's a total hottie. But her problem is that I doubt if she has ever had to confront anybody. I'm sure she's had her spats, but I'm not talking about no high school bad mouthing. Girl grew up as a single child with money and parents of a protective nature. That alone should say plenty. Believe you me, I could go on about this girl, but this isn't about her.

So, el presi-douchbag starts getting too big for his britches trying to micromanage us. Plans meetings around his convenience giving us maybe a day's notice at best, then showing up unprepared with next to no plan as to what he wants done. He expected all his shit to just magically fall into place, and us to put it all together. Fast forward a few months and we're already pissed as all hell with this guy. Then we send him to Sol-Cal for some leadership conference. He comes back feeling more important than ever. He starts talkin' 'bout how we needs to get more organized, more prepared 'n shit. Says he's going to take care of organizing the next general meeting by his lonesome. Fine enough so far as I'm concerned. I was about over with this crowd by that time anyway.

Day of the meeting comes and goes, and guess what never happens?

Next couple of weeks roll by, and guess who decides to go AWAL?

You guessed it. El Presi-Douchbag himself. We send him to Cali-weird, and he bails. Guess who was left in charge. Remember the VP I told you about? Yeah. Let me shoot myself now.

Well, that was a few months ago. Earlier last March, we had interviews for the new e-board. When we were done, we had a stellar cast. The VP was gonna stay on till the end of next fall so they get that momentum we wish we had. Guess who else stayed on against his will? You got it. Ol' Coyote himself. But hey, what can you do? It could be worse. I do my best to give them what advice I can, and they seem to like me well enough. That isn't to say I would call a one of these folk my friends, but they're friendly enough to tolerate. But with it so close to finals, having to commute from outside the perimeter, and feeling like total hell today, lets just say I'm not in the best of moods waiting for a meeting that is now an hour away.

I guess I'll just keep singing those 7 PM Meeting Blues.

After all, its a Robert Johnson kind of night anyway.

Crafting a Religion, Crafting an Afterlife

After the daunting task of creating a cosmogony, I've decided now to work on a chaos based ideal of an afterlife. For those of you who didn't read my cosmogony, check out my earlier note 'Crafting a Religion, Crafting a Cosmogony'. Please reply to this thought experiment if you feel so inclined. Again, I'm telling this in a series of stories. Hope you enjoy them.

Also, I'm doing this in class, so pardon any grammatical errors.

On the Life after Death
or
The Great Idiot Parade

Many ages ago there was a great school, within who's wall the greatest minds in all the world would teach what they knew to any who would listen. Unfortunately, one of the teachers there made a slight against the goddess Eris. As a result, the surrounding area was torn asunder by war, and all of the great scholars died.

And such was the way of Eris, breaker of men's hearts.

And so the world went along, as it is prone to do, in complete ignorance. Being that humans at the time were an extremely lazy bunch, few indeed went out of their way to learn the great secrets of the world, thinking of such things as not very useful until gone.

And so it came to pass that neigh a century passed since learned folk gathered in numbers, ever in fear that Eris would return with a vengeance that would make even wild Boar tremble in his stride. But alas, Eris had long sense grown bored with the whole 'nerd hot' scene for the time being. But it was here that these womanless losers came in great numbers to consider among themselves the secrets of the world, and ponder on the great mysteries of life.

It was also here that such bad ideas as taxes and daytime talk shows were first deduced, if in a primitive form.

An so about these scholars went, arguing back and forth on this and that, when Coyote came amongst them dressed in the manner of a squire. Coyote was great in his ability to hide, so instead of the wise fool, they beheld but a young lad attempting to understand their great thoughts.

It was then that the young lad who was Coyote asked aloud, 'Grand Wise Sages, what, pray tell, happens to the mind and soul after the body dies?'

At this, one sage said to the young lad, 'Boy, were you wise you would know this. When the body dies, the soul leaves this place and becomes one with He and She the Divine Architect.'

Another such sage said in retort, 'Nay, that is folly. The soul never leaves this place, but rather returns time and time again in an attempt to reach perfection. Were you wise you would know this.'

And yet a different sage said, 'Fellow sages, you are both wrong. The mind cannot exist without the body, so if the body dies, so does the mind. Were you wise you would know this.'

And yet another sage said, 'Folly on you all. Only those souls who are pure return to the Divine Source, and the rest are discard in fire. Were you wise you would know this.'

And then the entire school went into an uproar, each scholar saying his own views on how they were right or the others were wrong. Such a ruckus it made that even the local gods of the area were disturbed.

It was then that the young lad who was Coyote said to the angry group, 'Grand Sages, surely you are all wise.'

To which the wise sages replied, 'Yes, we are.'

The lad said aloud, 'it seems that each of you have spent their entire lives dedicated to the search of these truths.'

To which the wise sages replied, 'Yes, we have.'

And finally the lad said, 'But it seems that whilst you have studied life, you have forgotten how to live. What good is this grand wisdom if you are unhappy with the time that you have? What good is knowledge of the future if you cannot enjoy the present? Were you wise you would know this.'

The wise sages looked at each other, unsure of what to say. And at that, the young lad who was Coyote went off and played ball with some of the local children, and went the rest of the day playing in the fields.

Crafting a Religion, Crafting a Cosmogony

A few weeks ago I decided to craft my own religion. Not in any real sense, but rather as a thought experiment, tying together all of my central ideals into a set of stories incorporating the styles of my favorite traditions.

This is the first of such stories. I hope you enjoy my work.

The Making of What IS and IS NOT
or
The Divine Blame Game

In the beginning there was the great old ones, He and She the divine architect that made all things. No one knows their names, for a name has power. To name the infinite is to make it finite, and He and She the Divine Architect cannot be made finite.

In the beginning, He and She the Divine Architect named all things, and the name that was given gave form to the thing, and the thing that was given form learned how to be, and all was good. Every God and Spirit and Tree and Stone and Animal and Man and Woman lived and flourished, and in the beginning all were pleased.

And so it was that He and She the Divine Architect sat back and were very pleased with then selves, when Coyote came to them. And upon seeing Coyote, He and She the Diving Architect smiled, for they knew him to be a kind creature, full of laughter. It was then that Clever Coyote said, "Oh how great is your creation, for it is good in every respect. Yet still I wonder if it is too good."

Upon hearing this He and She the Divine Architect was astonished, and asked Coyote what he meant, for though Coyote was a Fool, in true colors he was the wisest of all things, fare wiser then any of the sage Gods and always saw into the heart of things.

Coyote continued with a wry smile. "Pardon my rudeness, grand Architect, but I wonder. In this world you have created, all things are in perfect balance. Every God and Spirit performs their purpose accordingly. Every Tree and Stone and Animal behaves as you have named them. Every Man and Woman understands their role and behaves as such. There exists no such thing that is not good. It makes me wonder, though, as to why one would name a thing if the thing itself could not change and thus finds its own meaning."

And thus He and She the Divine Architect looked at the world and realized the truth of Coyote's words. The world they created was in perfect order and would never change. In that instance, they realized that the magnificence of the world they created was no more then a trinket or trophy by which they can judge their own magnificence. And thus they were troubled, for their world would not grow past what it was, and yet their role as the Creator was over.

It was then that He and She the Divine Architect beseeched Coyote to bring change to their world. To make it whole in and of itself. To unbalance the equation that was all things. It was then the He and She the Divine Architect left the world, for their role as Creator was done.

When Coyote was left alone, he then went down to this place named Earth, where the Divine was manifested in physical form. It was here that the powers of Order was most powerful. As it was, it was here that Coyote decided to bring Change to the world, and create this thing called Chaos.

He drifted down to a nearby girl. A young and pretty lass who sat beneath a tall tree on a summer day. As Coyote came upon her, she hailed him and he came close. It was then that Coyote began to whisper in her ear a short tale of vulgar absurdity. The face of the young lass became quite red, and she belted out of her mouth a sound that had not existed until that moment.

And thus, the young lass went to a healthy young lad, and whispered into his ear the tale of vulgar absurdity, and he too made such a sound. As they saw each other, they realized each others beauty, and became as one.

It was such that similar tales of vulgar absurdity drifted about all the worlds among beings of every type. And things began to happen that were in contrast to order, and people began to do things of their own accord, and each in their own soon began to realize that they could be as they chose, and act as they willed. And they called these tales Jokes, and the sounds they made Laughter.

And as time passed, and people began to develop new contraptions, Coyote would come down and give to the people of the world such other ideas as religion and government and bureaucracy, and thus Chaos was given to the world in its purist form: Laughter.

And so it was, and so it is, and with any luck, so it will be.

One never knows...

I may not know the reason for why I do anything at any given moment, but that doesn't make the moment any less special. There may be no Divine Architect who plans out my day for me, but my actions have consequences, but no false act can amount to a proper action not taken. I don't know where I'm going, but I know where I am and I know who I am, and for now, that will suffice.

After all, what immortal hand or eye dare frame my fearful symmetry?