Getting Ready For The Fall... In More Ways Than One

Fall semester is coming to a head, and I can't help but feel as if I just couldn't give a good god damn. Let me fill you in on what I am and am NOT looking forward to this year.

Classes
Oh, yeah. Looking forward to some learning this semester. I'm taking Accounting II, Business Management, Business Ethics, Social and Political Philosophy, and a Honors Colloquium called The Legacy of Charles Darwin. I'm pretty excited. My good buddy will be in the Philosophy class with me, and I can't wait to put some grad students in their place.

HSO, SJB, FSM, PSA, and BCM
Without going into any great detail as to what aspects of which of these organizations I'm looking forward to, just keep in mind that I'm rather excited about my level of involvement this year. Expect to hear a lot of cool things about these groups.

ALD
Definitely NOT looking forward to these assholes. Don't get me wrong, they're good people, but not in any way MY kind of people. Of the old group, only the president (former VP) is staying on, and I'm not sure if she's staying through the fall or not. I know I'm stuck for the next whole year. The only reason I'm staying on as webmaster at ALL is that the new president turned out to be a total douche and fucking left leaving the new VP in charge. As it turns out, I've taken a liking to this chick. Not the romantic or sexual kind, mind you. She's simply a good person and I'm an overprotective asshole. I'm only gonna stick around at all so she knows I got her back. Expect to hear more soon.

Research
If it ever gets off the ground, and it will, this is looking to be one of my most exciting aspects of the new semester. I've almost completed my work with our religious studies department that'll make me a published author and I've started dialogues with our department of business that'll help me start my honors thesis. That's looking to be a very interesting thing indeed.

Work
I've grown tired of the place I work now, but I can't find a job that offers the same convenience and flexibility. I could get another job on campus, but I wont be gauronteed the same hours and it'll just end up being same shit different place. Really, I'm just tired of working and I'd with my parents would at least throw in for something, but hey, what can you do?

Family
Fuck 'em.

Friends
I'm really looking forward to spending more time with Nick, and Simone and Naomi moved real close to the downtown area. Stephanie leaves for London soon and I think I'm finally okay with that. With any luck I'll make some new friends with my new groups, but I'm more focused on enriching the relationships I already have. Still, keeping my doors open.

Relationships
. . . not even gonna touch that.

Magick Studies
I've started to put some of my own ideas on paper and I'm rather proud of a few of my newfound talents. This semester I hope to expound on these skills and focus on sharpness and detail.

So that's my life. Keep in touch and I'll keep you informed.

Street Preachers

I've maintained for a long time that this world if inherently absurd. To say that there is objective truth in the world is just as self-contradictory as saying that the is no objective truth in the world. Simply put, the world is founded on paradox, and while I plan to go into great detail on this subject in the future, let me share a simple happening today.

Earlier this morning I was walking from the 5-Points station to my office where I work. Its about a 4-5 block walk, nothing to freak about. Still, there are plenty of things to see along the way. Today, however, something seemed more off than usual. There was a street minister there preaching about the 3 temptations of the christgod. He was particularly fond of the saying 'man cannot live on bread alone' as he screamed it thrice to an uncaring crowd of pedestrians. Sitting next to him was a very dirty homeless man who looked like he passed out on heroin some hours ago and hadn't had a decent meal in some time.

The preacher told us that only the christgod can feed our soul, but who was willing to give that poor old man a piece of bread? What good is a fulfilled soul if the stomach goes empty?

I have yet to meet a preacher of any faith who has been able to give me a solid answer to this.

A quick update and a Rant

Taking summer classes wasn't what I thought it would be. You stay in a class room for 3 hours a day covering an entire weeks worth of material in that time. Fucking crazy, man. I'm taking two classes: Principles of Microeconomics and Philosophy of Religion. And I'll be honest, the class I thought I would love is aight at best, and the class I thought I would hate ended up being fucking amazing. Micro is a lot more fun than I thought it would be, 'specially with the professor I have. The Philosophy class is okay, but its not asking the questions that I want to discuss and that aggravates me a bit.

I started dialogues with our college of business to put together an honors thesis as an undergrad. Funny thing is that no one has ever done this before in our college of business so I have a few professors already lined up and excited. Still, its a lot of footwork and I'm pretty sure I won't be starting the nitty gritty until next fall. That's all right. It gives me plenty of time to figure our just what I'm going to write about and how I want to do it. The basic question I want to ask is this: If an organization that is built to create a profit becomes too big to fail, is it too big to act in that same self interest? I'm pretty excited about it already.

So I've had surprisingly little fun this summer. I've been hanging out with Nick and Travis a good bit, and the three of us have also been gaming with Russel. Thats always fun. I've met up with Stephanie a few times, but she's off to merry ol' England in the fall. Simone and Naomi just got back from their respective vacations, so I've been hanging out with them a good bit. They've moved into an appartment together and I'm helping them move a couch in there tomorrow. Good times, good times.

So, now to my beloved Rants. The topic to today's fustrations is relationhships. I'm at the point in my life where I don't want another fling, I don't want a crazy girlfriend, and I want something serious. The problem is this: Flings are fun, I'm really fucking atracted to crazy women, and I've never pulled off a serious relationship. Its entirely new waters for me, and I don't like it one bit. But even so, the old way of dating just doesn't satisfy me the way it used to, so I don't think i have a choice.

But here's my real delimma. When dating for sex, you can never come right out and say that as your primary intention. It'll get you nowhere. Even if that's what you BOTH WANT, you can't go that rought. You have to be subtle and use subterfuge. No you think that when its clear that you both want something MORE than sex, it should be easier, right? No more of this rediculous banter and empty words, correct? Well that seems to be wrong on just about every level. Things simply get more complicated and the friendly battle becomes an all our war where either both sides when or, more likely, both sides loose and go home unahppy.

So why is this? If both parties want something serious, why is there this wall that keeps them apart? Why can't they simply be open with what they want and who they want to be with?

The best answer I have is that we are all afraid to expose ourselves at that level. I guess that's not a bad thing, really. I mean, if we were that open all the time, relationships wouldn't be that special. I guess you HAVE to build that trust if your gonna get anywhere.

Well, that's all I have boys and girls. Talk to you again soon.

ITS FINALS WEEK, DAMNIT!!!

Guess what all? Finals week starts today. Its that magical time of year when, through the combination of no sleep, food binges, nicotine frenzies, and general caffeine chugging that students do the impossible. Its that wonderful time of year when one can contemplate both his future as a student, his future career, and suicide all at the same time. Oh Finals, how I love thee. I just wished you loved me in return.

My first final examination isn't until Saturday, but I have plenty to do until then. I have a 20 page paper due the following Sunday, and a makeup exam Monday the Fourth. Oh joy.

At least I get to keep my job this summer. I'm not taking a maymester course, so my next round of classes doesn't start until June. Which is great, because I'm going to be spending many nights balled into a fetal position wondering where it all went wrong.

This week is going to be hell. I'll see you on the other side.

One of those mornings...

So, last night I didn't have electricity because it went out on my entire block. This morning I found that I had no hot water for a shower, which meant a cold as fuck shower. Afterwards, I realized my dog had eaten my nice shirt that I was going to wear today for an organization meeting.

But you know what? I'm going to have a great day or die trying. Screw you world, I'm in a good mood. Deal with it.

4/20 and forcefully bored

Ugh, its 4/20 and I am officially doing nothing out of shear force of will. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to be out with the crew making a complete ass of myself, but with finals coming so close that I can't afford to do anything other than study and write until the end of the semester. Its coming down fast, and I just hope I hit something hard so I don't have to walk away from this trainwreck.

That's not true. In fact, I'm doing quite well all things considered. Its just been stressful as hell, and I just want to sleep.

On a side note, the Honors Student Organization had their elections, and I went from treasurer to president. The bad side of that is that I ran uncontested. In fact, we all did. That worries me a bit.

Either way, I just need to make the next two weeks, and I'll be fine. Finals are all accounted for, and I still need to make my buddies court date, but there's not much keeping me away from getting it all done.

Wish me luck.

Be Careful When Choosing Friends

I'm wrapping up my fifth semester in college, and it still surprises me how much I learn about myself and the world around me each time I go on campus. I recently made a revelation that I think some may enjoy.

Our University has a Pagan Student Alliance. Thinking I'd enjoy being around my fellow Pagans, I joined with the group. What I found was a bunch of self righteous half wits with a superiority complex narcissistic tendencies. I mean, damn. These folk actually convinced me to drop the title of 'pagan' and took up 'discordian humanist'. Bunch of no-it-all bastards that really, genuinely piss me off. Not all of them, of course, but enough of them to make it not worth my while to be there.

Let me tell you but two stories that happened with these folk.

First was a couple of months ago. We were walking away from a meeting and heading out to go get pizza. A LaVeyan passes us. I know the guy. Despite being a LaVeyan, he's generally a huge twerp. Not a huge fan of the guy. But he's wearing an inverted cross when he passes us, and as he does, the two PSA members I'm walking with start snickering. I mean hell, it was just ridiculous. Then they go on to start making fun of all LaVeyans like there a bunch of sex addicted pimple faced nerds.

Stay on, it gets better.

We pass our Baptist Campus Ministries whilst they're in service. It was Wednesday night, so they were doing their worship service in a student common room near our dorms, and the had window shades mostly drawn, but we could still see the candles and their alter. They were doing communion. I may be a recovered Christian, but I still have nothing but love for the Christian community. In fact, I've been known to visit our BCM quite often because most of my good buddies go there. I like the people. But again, they start with the snickering, talking about how all Christianity is merely the decayed remnants of the old Dianic traditions.

If anyone could explain that jump, I'd be eternally grateful. It's been puzzling me ever since.

So, that was the first story, about how these twerps basically insulted a great deal of my friends based on simple intolerance. Now lets see how they insulted me personally.

At this time I had decided to leave the group. No big fanfare, just leave without saying anything. it was kinda my style anyways. But earlier that same evening, I had already promised to help them file their Student Organization Budget Request Forms, and my word is my bond. Really annoying when Fate's plans don't match my own. So, we're filling out the forms when everyone starts telling pagan based jokes, most of which were at the expense of the other religions. Either way, I tell the only pagan joke I know about a heathen priest and a catholic priest, and they look at me and simply say, 'Jacob, your just not funny. You use people.'

So, I left without saying anything. I won't curse them with failure, nor will I lift a finger for their downfall. I got something more in mind. I'm simply going to forget them, and let them create their own destiny.

7 PM Meeting Blues

Here I am on campus in the midst of pollen season. Its 'bout 5 PM, waiting for a meeting that doesn't start till 7. I thought I was going to be in a study group between now and then. Yesterday, she cancelled on me. I understand though, she's going to a concert for her buddy. That just means that I have a lot of time to kill. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue. Being the oldest of 8, you get used to entertaining yourself, strange as that might sound. But lucky me caught my uncle's cold that he was nice enough to share. Now I'm waiting here till 7 PM, feeling like death warmed over, hoping I will either die or that the world will simply dissolve around me and I'll wake up warm and snug in my bed, realizing that this was all just a bad dream.

This organization though, its been pretty much one constant headache since the day I joined. Little excited me wanted to be an executive board member. I never had any experience as such, but hey, you got to start somewhere, right? The guy I ran against, we went to high school together. Never kept in touch though. He was definitely much more qualified than I was, but had the social skills of a moss covered rock, ya know what I mean? Either way, I got the gig based on the interview, and the gig was to last one year. Let me tell you just how this year went.

One e-board member drops within the first month. Never hear from her after induction. Poof. Gone like dust in the wind, baby. She was PR. The President, however, was a total douchebag. I can understand weird shit happening and having to leave. I also understand simply vanishing once you got the gig. I hate it when it happens, but its expected in some places. The this guy, the President, was a piece of work. Let me tell you about this little bastard.

He was a likeable guy, not gonna lie about that. Smooth talking, good looking, seemed like he knew where he was going. Worked part time as a model, which I initially thought was odd, but he was all around a decent fella. Well, turns out that Mr. Big Stuff had a bit of an ego. Started signing all of his emails and texts 'Your President, Mr. Smith' (names changed to protect the assholes). Wanted to run the organization centered around him, which pissed us all off.

Our poor VP, she was about as ineffectual as they come in confrontational issues. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a really great person, although the only time she's ever talked to me in the past year has been in the context of one organization or another. Chick is organized and intelligent. Keeps her thoughts in order and presents herself well. She always has a gameplan. Not to mention, she's a total hottie. But her problem is that I doubt if she has ever had to confront anybody. I'm sure she's had her spats, but I'm not talking about no high school bad mouthing. Girl grew up as a single child with money and parents of a protective nature. That alone should say plenty. Believe you me, I could go on about this girl, but this isn't about her.

So, el presi-douchbag starts getting too big for his britches trying to micromanage us. Plans meetings around his convenience giving us maybe a day's notice at best, then showing up unprepared with next to no plan as to what he wants done. He expected all his shit to just magically fall into place, and us to put it all together. Fast forward a few months and we're already pissed as all hell with this guy. Then we send him to Sol-Cal for some leadership conference. He comes back feeling more important than ever. He starts talkin' 'bout how we needs to get more organized, more prepared 'n shit. Says he's going to take care of organizing the next general meeting by his lonesome. Fine enough so far as I'm concerned. I was about over with this crowd by that time anyway.

Day of the meeting comes and goes, and guess what never happens?

Next couple of weeks roll by, and guess who decides to go AWAL?

You guessed it. El Presi-Douchbag himself. We send him to Cali-weird, and he bails. Guess who was left in charge. Remember the VP I told you about? Yeah. Let me shoot myself now.

Well, that was a few months ago. Earlier last March, we had interviews for the new e-board. When we were done, we had a stellar cast. The VP was gonna stay on till the end of next fall so they get that momentum we wish we had. Guess who else stayed on against his will? You got it. Ol' Coyote himself. But hey, what can you do? It could be worse. I do my best to give them what advice I can, and they seem to like me well enough. That isn't to say I would call a one of these folk my friends, but they're friendly enough to tolerate. But with it so close to finals, having to commute from outside the perimeter, and feeling like total hell today, lets just say I'm not in the best of moods waiting for a meeting that is now an hour away.

I guess I'll just keep singing those 7 PM Meeting Blues.

After all, its a Robert Johnson kind of night anyway.